How to Get Unstuck, Do “The Work,” Take Radical Responsibility, and Reduce Drama in Your Life

Diana Chapman walks Tim Ferriss through the core frameworks of conscious leadership, starting with Stephen Karpman's drama triangle and its three roles: victim, villain, and hero. She leads Tim through an experiential 'whole body yes' exercise to map how his body signals yes, no, and the easily-missed subtle no. The conversation moves into using Byron Katie's 'The Work' on a live, vulnerable example of Tim's fear of depression, plus loving pressure, play, and a long, repeatedly renewed marriage. Diana closes by sharing the 15 commitments, her MindJogger above-the-line check-in practice, and a heartfelt plea to face the cost of the drama we create.

• Diana's brother-in-law, a top CEO, gave her and her husband $5,000 and recommended they train with Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks in California, a profoundly life-changing week that redirected her entire career.
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• She realized her whole life had been running on Karpman's drama triangle, and has spent every day since looking for tools to stay off it.
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• Diana leads Tim through a roughly 10-minute experiential exercise to map his body's whole body yes, strong no, and subtle no.
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• Tim reveals he has had extended depressive episodes most of his life and once almost killed himself in college, then uses Byron Katie's Work live to question the belief that a depressive state is dangerous.
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• Diana and her husband Matt have at least three times 'killed off' their marriage to ask what relationship wants to happen next, choosing each time to stay married.
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• A friend's question, 'Who is the woman you would need to be to call forward that man?', stopped Diana's planned divorce; six months later she was with the man she wanted.
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• The first two cornerstone commitments, written word-for-word by Gay and Katie Hendricks, are taking radical responsibility for results in your life and letting go of wanting to be right.
  01:20:06
• Diana uses the MindJogger app every day, which prompts her seven random times daily to check whether she is above the line (trust) or below the line (threat).
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• The episode opens with a quote from Dustin Moskovitz, Asana and Facebook co-founder, who in 2011 was the youngest self-made billionaire in history, on how working with Diana changed how he reacts to stress.
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• In 1997 Diana was a stay-at-home mom teaching scrapbooking in Ann Arbor, Michigan, calling it 'as mainstream a life as they come.'
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• The drama triangle was created by Stephen Karpman in the 1970s, defining three flavors of victimhood: pure victim, villain (blamer), and hero (temporary relief seeker).
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• Diana's term BQ (body intelligence) sits alongside IQ and EQ, the idea that the body holds instinctual guidance through sensations.
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• Diana describes once skipping over her body's 'flat feeling' subtle no and taking a call that turned out to be an unwanted sales pitch.
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• She links yes and creative energy to sexual energy, saying a true yes can feel turned on, and that this aliveness fuels play.
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• Diana once had a voicemail message telling callers she may or may not respond, an example of her candor and dropping others' expectations.
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• She is a huge fan of Byron Katie and uses 'The Work' (Is it true? Can you absolutely know it's true?) plus turnarounds with herself and clients.
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• On money conflicts in couples there is usually a 'gas' and a 'brake' person, and the goal is honoring both polarities as allies rather than fighting them.
  01:18:30
• Diana most gifts The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks (about living in your zone of genius) and Conscious Loving for couples.
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